The Higgs Boson

It’s not directly political, but this blog is hilarious and I thought that a moment off for fun would be worth doing. Dean Myers, the author has a lot of witty, informative and wise material on his blog. Do yourself a favor and go look.

Coelietterra Interestingly Interviews Higgs Boson

 Eons after Coelietterra (C&T) began searching for and chasing after Higgs Boson (HB), they finally met. Reluctantly, HB agreed to a brief interview, provided that s/he could talk like Yoda whenever possible in order to seem to add mass of his/her words. (The sex of HB remains uncertain, but that does not mean s/he has no interest in the subject–see below. Neuter pronouns do not do justice to his/her most prolific life.)
C&T: Here is something about you and your work by New York Times writer David Overbye: “Confirmation of the Higgs boson or something very much like it … [would affirm] … a grand view of the universe ruled by simple and elegant and symmetrical laws, but in which everything interesting in it, like ourselves, is a result of flaws or breaks in that symmetry.”
HB: Wow, awesome that is!
C&T: Indeed…but “Are you HB, or only something like HB?”
HB: So foolish that question! Just look at me!
C&T: Help me understand the “simple and elegant and symmetrical laws” by which you rule the universe.
HB: If you understood, you would think yourself like me, and like me you are not.
C&T: Maybe just one example?
HB: There is no “one” in a universe ruled by symmetrical laws.
C&T: Mmmm…I see where this is going.
HB: Only partially, my friend; only partially do you see anything.
C&T: Overbye calls humans “interesting.” Do you find us interesting, now that you have met us?
HB: Interesting not by half; I find you positively terrifying!
C&T: Terrifying? Why?
HB: Read again, O pretentiously-named one.
C&T: “Everything interesting in [the universe], like us, is a result of flaws or breaks in that symmetry.”
HB: You “interesting” human beings busy yourselves trying to make what Overbye calls “flaws and breaks” go away–trying to force everything to be like you, to fit into molds of your own design. Or, you emphasize the “flaws and breaks” you can see in order to exploit or to control or even to kill one another. You turn what’s interesting into reasons for conflict and destruction. But those very particularities and differences make your world what it is and you who you are. Enjoy them you should; fear them you do. You are about to ruin forever your most beautiful of all worlds.
C&T: Are you sure?
HB: About some things I am not as uncertain as you speculate.
C&T: May I ask you a personal question?
NB: Person I am not, but best I can will I do.
C&T: Well, I am uncomfortable referring to you as “it.” After all, I am talking with you as if you were a person, and persons are male or female Do you understand the concept of sex, and are you male or female, or both, or neither?
NB: [smiles] “Do I understand the concept of sex”? Let me count the ways…
Just say this I will: sex is the most interesting way all you interesting creatures celebrate the sentient universe’s flaws and breaks…and even try to overcome them. Vive la difference–every last one of ‘em! Wrong it is how you use gender differences to control one another; sad it is how you burden sexual expression with shame and guilt.
As for me myself, I prefer to keep you guessing. I know myself for who I am, and that is enough.
C&T: Let me try another subject: whom do you favor for President of the United States?
HB: Frankly, from my perspective it is of small consequence whom you choose. I am concerned that Mr Romney’s religion teaches strange cosmology and bogus history; I wonder what he thinks of me?
C&T: So you are an Obama man?
NB: Still concerned I am! Talk and think beyond November 6 they must. Your planet is at the tipping point beyond which it will not be able to avoid falling back to where it started…to me and my kind. Green my vote would be…if I could vote.
By the way, is it I, or is it warm in here?
C&T: I am afraid it is not you. So, despite all your concerns, do you like it here, on earth I mean?
NB: What’s not to like? As your poet, Adrienne Rich, says, “The sourest apple makes its wry announcement/That imperfection has a certain tang.” Tang is good for the tongue…it is “interesting.” Poets and artists knew that long before your physicists figured it out. “Interesting” have they always understood.
C&T: One more question: are you “the god particle?”
NB: Whoever “god” is, s/he is not a particle. Of that you may be certain.
C&T: Thank you for your time. Can I try to answer any questions for you?
NB: Well, I saw a plastic bag of something called “Chex Mix” yesterday. I am not sure what was inside of it, but on the outside it said it was “A Bag of Interesting.” What’s in there? Little humans?
C&T: No, not at all. Just something to snack on. It’s called “marketing” when someone claims for something far more than it really is.
NB: Thank you; I was worried you’ve made the results of my work into a product to sell.
C&T: Keep worrying; we have.

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